It’s bulky, it’s dopey, and it’s probably going to kill you faster than you can say its full name, yes, I’m talking about the hippopotamus!
Frequently shortened to hippo, the hippopotamus is a native of Africa,
Don’t be fooled by its looks. It may seem like a gigantic mass incapable of moving faster than a turtle, a hippo can reach speeds of 30 miles per hour, easily outrunning any human on the planet.
This doesn’t even talk about the power of a hippo’s bite, which is strong enough to snap a crocodile in half. And it’s not some kind of chance either. If a hippo sets its sights on you, it’s going to take you down as hard as it can. Hundreds of people in Africa are killed per year from hippo attacks, let’s make sure that you don’t become part of their body count.
Never startle a hippo
Hippos are never animals you want to sneak up on. They are vegetarians and would rather eat the grass on land rather than you… most of the time.
The truth is, there are reports that hippos do in fact eat meat and predate animals, even their own kind. The best thing you can do in this situation is to leave it alone and to move far away from it.
Hippos are easily startled and, coupled with their high aggression, are likely to attack at the first sign of trouble.
Watch out if a hippo looks like it’s yawning or laughing
If you must stay in the presence of a hippo for whatever reason, then you must constantly stay vigilant and watch out for signs that a hippo might attack you for whatever reason. One way you can do it is by watching its body language.
For instance, when a hippo starts to “yawn”, it is not telling the world that it is sleepy. It is actually warning you that you are likely way too close to it and that it will attack you if you don’t back away. If you see a hippo seemingly “yawn” in your direction, don’t even think, just get out of there as soon as possible. The same goes for when a hippo looks as though it is “laughing”.
Leg it if you’re being chased
If despite all this, you still find yourself with a very angry hippo barreling towards you, don’t wait around and start running as fast as you can!
But you may be wondering: “Well, a hippo can run much faster than me, so how do I stop it from outrunning me?”
The simple answer is that you don’t. As mentioned earlier, you are not going to be outrunning a hippo, as its top speeds clock way beyond what the average human can reach. But trying to make a run for it is much better than waiting for a hippo to trample you or chomp you to bits.
Now, you’re not going to want to run in a straight line. As mentioned earlier already, a hippo will catch up to you in no time flat. Instead, move in uncanny patterns while using the obstacles in your environment such as rocks and fallen logs to slow the hippo down.
The ideal end-goal here is to eventually reach something that you can climb up, but the hippo can’t. A tree, a hedge, or a wall is ideal. For as many surprises that a hippo brings to the table, climbing skills isn’t one of them, so take advantage of that fact and use elevation to bring yourself to safety.
Worst case scenario: Fight dirty
If you were unable to get away from the hippo despite these tips, your chances of survival grow slimmer by the second, because you’re not going to be beating a hippo in unarmed combat.
At best you can harass it enough to make it think that it’s not worth the effort to attack you.
Fight dirty. By that, I mean punch or kick it in places like its snout or eyes, places that would likely cause it the most discomfort when attacked. If the hippo tries to chomp your arms off, pull a last-ditch effort by reaching at the back of its throat and by grabbing on to whatever you can. Fight dirty as hard as you can and make the hippo wish it never picked you as a target.
Wrapping up
While hippos are an extremely dangerous animal to encounter, you are unlikely to just run into them randomly. After all, their primary food source is still vegetation like grass. They aren’t actively hunting humans, like certain other predators might do.
During the day, they prefer to hide in bodies of water to keep cool under the sun, and even if they aren’t hiding, their giant lumbering bodies are telltale enough of the presence of a hippo. It’s pretty hard to miss, considering how large they are.
The best thing you can do to keep safe is to stay far away from hippos no matter what. Even if you think it may be cute from afar, it only seems that way until it deems you a threat and charges your way.
Oh, and of course, make sure you stay away from the young of a hippo, as well as hippos in general during mating season. You probably already know that animals get highly defensive and aggressive when protecting their young or when trying to assert dominance, and hippos are no different in that regard.